Snubbing the Phubbing Tendency

Picture the all too familiar scene of the times we live in: humans lost in the electronic and metaverse world while scrolling feverishly on their phones, oblivious to the world racing around them. At the first spare moment, we pluck out our phones and scroll away with utmost seriousness, exuding busyness. Forget spare moments, even in the midst of a human conversation, we tend to consciously or subconsciously keep the scrolling going, much to the anguish of the people in front of us, who cringe at their shared inability to compete with the attention-grabbing expertise of the gadgets! What’s more, there’s even a term coined for the growing trend of prioritizing phones over people and surroundings: phubbing! And the statistics comply. A recent study1 of 1,351 school and university students in Spain provided statistical evidence to claim that phubbing behavior is highly prevalent among adolescents aged 12–21years and is positively correlated with low self-esteem and problematic internet use.

Why is it that we moderners are constantly driven to occupy or distract our minds with some form of digital activity? The need appears to arise from a combination of social necessity and personal choice.

 

The Missed-Call Phobia

First, the prevalent culture in society demands that everyone stay constantly updated on digital media and available on our phones. For example, not answering unscheduled calls on the fly or promptly responding to missed calls can make one seem inaccessible or unresponsive. Our phones are flooded with tons of text messages and missing out on responding to even one of them can cause terrible misunderstandings. Even the traditionally non-intrusive emails land in our inboxes with a 24-hour response window nowadays. A study2 by the American Psychological Association (APA) states that more than four out of five adults in the U.S. (86 percent) report that they constantly or often check their email, texts and social media accounts, which is directly associated with higher stress levels. All of this essentially shifts human interactions to the digital world accompanied by an exponentially increasing pace of communication, demanding our constant attention.

 

The flurry and fuzz cycle

Second, constant access to social media and real time updates from the online world leave our minds in a constant state of flurry and fuzziness. Our hyperactive minds then demand instant distractions from the virtual world (even if just to prevent us from going berserk), leading to a vicious cycle. Lack of focus, indecisiveness and disorientation follow. Technically, the Gita describes this state of hyperactivity as influenced by the mode of passion (14.12), which ultimately descends to the mode of darkness (ignorance) characterized by madness, indolence and sleep (14.8). This has the potential to disrupt mental health on an individual and collective basis, leading to loss of productivity and unrest in society.

That phubbing and its associated addictive tendencies can lead to serious repercussions does not come as a surprise. The impact of digital distractions extends beyond individual well-being to families, communities and the social fabric itself, as discussed next.

 

When Silence is too loud

The restless and mindless scrolling habits induced by modern technology have an immediate evident victim, the ability to handle silence. The importance of silence is emphasized in the Gita (10.38), which emphatically declares that of all secrets, divinity is experienced in silence. Srila Prabhupada elaborates in the purport “Among the confidential activities of hearing, thinking and meditating, silence is most important because by silence one can make progress very quickly.” Unfortunately, our restlessness leads to an almost desperate attempt to silence the silence, in other words, to replace the vacuum of solitude and inactivity with a relentless bombardment of activity. Consequently, we find it increasingly hard to engage meaningfully with ourselves (our internal world) and people around us. In fact, it may be too scary to face ourselves when we are inevitably confronted with the dark and stark realities of our internal world along with the accompanying commotion within. While the educational ecosystem and peer society gears us to look confident and invincible in the external world, the dichotomy of external and internal realities can aggravate our fragile self-confidence, leading to stress, depression, addictive behaviors and suicidal tendencies.

 

Can’t hear you

The next likely victim of frantic and endless digital activity is the virtue of patience. And that means we gradually lose our ability to listen and empathize, even with the people who matter the most in our lives. And since human relationships are centered around emotions, it is valuable only to the extent we can mindfully listen to our loved ones. More than ever before, with the advent and proliferation of AI conversational tools such as ChatGPT, we might as well share our hearts with machines if humans are unwilling to listen!

 

Kill me but don’t neglect me

When we can’t listen to people who seek our attention and time, they perceive neglect. Neglect is a powerful negative emotion that can foster misunderstanding and ruin relationships. The pervasive danger of neglect is reflected in the pages of history much like in contemporary times. Three striking examples of neglect appear in the pages of Srimad-Bhagavatam, each of which evoked furious and even violent reactions from those who perceived it. In Canto 4, we come across the story of King Uttanapada, who had two queens Suruci and Suniti, of whom the former was dearer to him. Consequently, when the five-year-old prince Dhruva, the son of Suniti tried to find a place on his father’s lap, he was not welcomed as much as his stepbrother Uttama. When Queen Suruci spoke harsh words to Dhruva, the king, overcome and paralyzed by attachment to his queen, did not intervene. Devastated, Dhruva approaches his mother Suniti, who is equally afflicted and resigns her fate to her husband’s negligence. Composing herself, she advises restraint and urges Dhruva to seek out the truth by engaging in austerities. In fact, such was the intensity and ferocity of Dhruva’s grief-stricken reaction to his father’s neglect that he wanted to occupy a position more exalted than any yet achieved within the three worlds by anyone, even by his grandfather Brahma (SB 4.8.37). A similar story unfolds in Canto 6, where King Citraketu, desperate to have a son, approached the great sage Angira. By the blessings of Angira, Queen Kritadyuti bears a son who was to be the cause of both happiness and lamentation to his parents. Due to excessive infatuation with his only son, King Citraketu is perceived as being neglectful by his other queens. Unable to tolerate the King’s neglect and losing all good intelligence, they take the extreme step of administering poison to the child (SB 6.14.43). Elsewhere in Canto 9, we find the story of King Yayati, the son of Nahusa, who married Devayani, the daughter of Sukracarya. In accordance with a pre-marital arrangement, Sarmishtha, the daughter of Vrisaparva (and former friend of Devayani) accompanies Devayani as a maidservant into her new home. When Devayani later realizes that her husband had conceived three sons with Sarmishtha in spite of her father’s warning, she is frenzied with anger and envy (SB 9.18.34). Sukracarya then curses Yayati to lose his youth, which he subsequently regains by exchanging his old age with his youngest son Puru. The common theme in these examples is that of the king’s neglect of one (or more) of his wives leading to feelings of insecurity and drastic reactions, with repercussions across the palace and the kingdom. It is probably not an exaggeration to state that indifference and neglect often cause much more damage than blunt criticism, aversion or even hostility.

 

Digging Deeper

While there is enough research to show that phubbing (and the associated people snubbing) can damage mental health and human relationships in the long run, typical off-the-shelf solutions suggested to tackle these behavioral traits may not be sustainable. For example, data limits, digital detox days, screen-free times and zones can only work to the extent our minds find immersion and satisfaction in meaningful alternatives. It is thus worthwhile digging deeper to understand the origins of this restless behavior in the hope of securing a more lasting and meaningful solution. At the heart of our restlessness and central to our very existence in this world is a powerful entity whom we are very well acquainted with, the mind. The Gita (6.6) describes the mind as a formidable force which can be a great friend as much as worst enemy on the human journey, depending on how we use it. Phubbing is just one of the symptoms of a profound disquiet deep down in our minds. A restless and agitated mind can at best fluctuate between the extremes of indulgence (bhoga) and withdrawal (tyaga), not finding peace in either. Surely, we cannot completely abstain from the digital world, and yet we cannot allow ourselves to be consumed by it. And thus, the Gita (6.17) prescribes a sweet spot of regulation, “He who is regulated in his habits of eating, sleeping, recreation and work can mitigate all material pains by practicing the yoga system.” What practicing the yoga system means is described in detail as a rigorous regimen (6.10-14) which culminates in fixing the mind on the divine leading to the highest perfection of transcendental happiness (6.27). In fact, such is the importance attributed to the mind, that the Gita (6.7) emphatically declares that for one who has conquered the mind, divinity is already reached, for he has attained tranquility. We must therefore engage our minds in sustainable and fulfilling alternatives to achieve a fine balance, as described next.

 

Triggering a Virtuous Cycle

Just as there are degrading forces within us, there are also uplifting forces inherent in us which, if accessed and harnessed can empower us to go beyond our limitations. In this context, there is a striking analogy given of two dogs, the good (virtuous) dog and the bad (vicious) dog both of which find a place in our hearts and scream for our attention. It is our choice to empower either of them by our actions. Just as phubbing can create a vicious flurry and fuzz cycle, it can also be interrupted and counteracted by a virtuous cycle. To interrupt the negative cycle and trigger the virtuous cycle, the great Canakya Pandita gives us a time tested four-point formula:

tyaja durjana-samsargam
bhaja sadhu-samagamam
kuru punyam aho ratram
smara nityam anityatam

 

“One should give up the company of the vicious and always associate with saintly persons. One should always act piously, thinking that this life is temporary, and not be attached to temporary happiness and distress.” This illuminating and succinct advise can be summarized as below:

 

Withdraw: Withdrawing from acting on temptations induced by negative tendencies within us and people who exhibit these tendencies. Impulses such as lust, envy and greed degrade our souls and must be avoided by all means.

 

Connect: Withdrawal by itself is not complete and leaves a vacuum in our hearts. As humans, we yearn for meaningful and fulfilling relationships which can be achieved by connecting with other like-minded virtuous souls on a journey of inner discovery. Such positive association will reinforce the uplifting qualities such as selflessness, compassion and humility inherent within us and propel us forward on the spiritual path, ultimately connecting us to the divinity within and around us.

 

Immerse: Relationships are not static, rather dynamic and must involve loving reciprocations, which in turn must include uplifting activities. As the Gita 10.9 suggests, virtuous souls derive great satisfaction and bliss enlightening one another and conversing about the divine. Collective soulful immersion engagements include a diverse range of activities such as kirtan, festivals, scriptural contemplation, cooking and distributing prasadam, spiritual outreach and practical service to society. By such mental immersion, we can easily be empowered to overcome temptations and distractions around us.

 

Remember: While we withdraw, connect and immerse, we must be cautious to avoid complacency, lethargy and vice which can easily consume us, even unwillingly. This danger is highlighted in the Gita (3.36) by Arjuna, enacting the role of a struggling soul. Arjuna enquires from his teacher Krishna to identify the cause of one’s being unwillingly impelled towards vice, as if by force. Krishna promptly responds by identifying lust (kama) or selfish enjoyment as the all-devouring sinful enemy of the world. By contemplating the ephemeral nature of this world, we will remain conscious of the futility of material indulgence. This will in turn encourage us to withdraw from degrading tendencies thus steering clear of pitfalls on the spiritual journey and completing the virtuous cycle.

 

Snubbing the phubbing tendency

As we embark on this journey of conscious and virtuous living, it must be remembered that progress will not always be linear. We will inevitably face moments of struggle and setbacks, but it is in these times that our determination, resilience and endurance will be tested. Having recognized the detrimental consequences of phubbing accompanied by the vicious cycle of distraction and diagnosing the root cause as the restless mind, we must strive to cultivate a virtuous cycle within our hearts. In fact, virtuous living is not merely a personal choice but a responsibility we hold towards ourselves, humanity and the almighty at large. When individuals tap into the divinity within themselves and empower their virtuous selves, it creates a cascading effect that inspires others to follow suit, ultimately benefiting society as a whole. Let us encourage each other to snub the phubbing tendency by scrubbing our hearts clean of vice and occupying ourselves with virtuous deeds!

 

Dinabandhu Caitanya Dasa, a disciple of His Holiness Radhanath Swami graduated with a PhD from the National University of Singapore and currently holds a faculty appointment at the Indian Institute of Management, Bengaluru, where he lives with his wife, two daughters and parents. He is actively involved in Krishna conscious kids, youth, congregation and Kannada outreach programs in Bengaluru. He likes to write on topics that are of relevance to current trends in society, both within and outside India.